SCRIPT: Have You Seen My Planet?
HAVE YOU SEEN MY PLANET?
(WORKING TITLE)
S01E01
"QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS"
SCENE: 1
(OUTSIDE OF A NIGHTCLUB.)
SOUND: THUMPING CLUB MUSIC IS MUFFLED INSIDE OF A BUILDING
AND THERE IS A CHATTER OF PEOPLE NEARBY. THE MUSIC GETS
LOUDER AS A DOOR OPENS AND SOMEBODY STEPS OUTSIDE BEFORE THE
DOOR CLOSES AGAIN. HE BREATHES HEAVILY.
SOUND: A MOMENT PASSES AND THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN AND ANOTHER
PERSON STEPS OUT.
FRIEND
Hey man, you doing okay?
SPARKY
Yeah, I’m good. Just needed some fresh air, y’know?
FRIEND
I hear ya. It is surprisingly warm in there now I’m
outside.
SPARKY
Yeah.
FRIEND
Are you having a good time?
SPARKY
Huh? Oh, yeah man. Just warm.
FRIEND
Cool. Cool. Have you ever tried a Blown Fuse?
SPARKY
A what?
FRIEND
Blown Fuse. It’s this great shot they do here. I’m
going to get you one. The night’s still young!
SPARKY
(NERVOUS)
Ha, yeah. Thanks man. I’ll head back in in a minute.
FRIEND
See you at the bar!
SOUND: THE DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.
SPARKY
(SIGHS)
I wish this night would just end.
SOUND: A SLOW BEEPING BEGINS
SPARKY
What’s...that?
SOUND: THE BEEPING PICKS UP BEFORE AN ELECTRIC STRIKE LIKE
THUNDER
ALIEN
I’ve got ya this time! Come here you!
SPARKY
What the fuck?
SOUND: A WHOOSH AS THE ALIEN TRIES TO GRAB AND MOVEMENT AS
SPARKY STARTS TO RUN AWAY
ALIEN
I said I’ve got ya this time! Hold still you little-!
SPARKY
No! I don’t know who you are!
ALIEN
Don’t play stupid!
SPARKY
I’m not playing!
SOUND: SOMETHING LATCHES
ALIEN
Gotcha!
SPARKY
Ow, what the hell is that? Who are you? What do you
want?
SOUND: SOMETHING IS RUMMAGED FROM A POCKET AND TRILLS
ALIEN
I have him. For Lakneora. Your luck’s run out sunshine!
SOUND: SPARKY SCREAMS AS THE SAME THUNDROUS STRIKE RINGS
OUT.
SCENE: 2
(SPARKY WAKES UP IN A SPACESHIP.)
ERNIE
(UNCARING)
Oh good you’re awake.
SPARKY
(SLEEPY)
Sorry, was I screaming again?
ERNIE
Not really. You were just moving a lot. It was
annoying.
SPARKY
Oh, sorry.
ERNIE
I mean can you imagine? Four limbs all thrashing about?
And that central trunk thing.
SPARKY
My torso?
ERNIE
Yeah, that. It’s a bit excessive. Makes a lot of noise.
SPARKY
Sorry we can’t all be an eyeball in a mech suit.
ERNIE
You could if your species actually tried. Heck, maybe
your species already has and you were just too stupid
to keep up.
SPARKY
No, I don’t think so. The guy in my dream looks like
this too.
ERNIE
So was it that dream again?
SPARKY
Yeah, same music, same guy, same kidnapper.
ERNIE
Nothing new then? No clues at all?
SPARKY
Let me think.
(A BEAT)
(MORE)
SPARKY (cont’d)
No, nothing. It’s gone again.
ERNIE
All those useless, permanent limbs and no memory. I
mean really.
SPARKY
(PUCKISHLY)
Oh yeah? Well if I had no memory how could I remember
this?
SOUND: A CLUNK AND MUSIC STARTS PLAYING
ERNIE
Oh turn that off! You know I hate that crap!
SPARKY
Yep. I certainly do.
SOUND: A BUTTON IS RIPPED OFF OF A CONSOLE
SPARKY
I also remember that this is the button to turn it off.
ERNIE
Oh real mature. Okay fine.
SOUND: A MECH SUIT STEPS UP AND OUT OF THE ROOM
ERNIE
You know you don’t have to desecrate the booth every
time you want to drive. You could just ask!
SPARKY
(LAUGHING)
I’ll try to remember that!
SOUND: THE MUSIC PLAYS ON AS SPARKY MOVES INTO THE CONSOLE
SEAT.
SOUND: THE MUSIC FADES AWAY.
SCENE: 3
(AT THE GARAGE.)
SOUND: MECHANIC TOOLS WHIRRING AND CLAMPING FILL THE
BACKGROUND WITH A COLLECTION OF RATCHETING NEARBY.
ERNIE
Ten minutes I left you alone with the controls. Ten
minutes.
SPARKY
I don’t know how many more times I can say "sorry"
today.
ERNIE
That’s fine because I don’t know how many more times I
can hear it. Just stop doing things wrong. What are we
looking at, pal?
SOUND: THE RATCHETING STOPS AND SOMEBODY WHEELS OUT.
ATTENDANT
(UNINTELLIGIBLE SOUNDS THAT SOUND HOPEFUL)
ERNIE
Thanks bud.
SOUND: THE RATCHETING CONTINUES.
SPARKY
What’d they say?
ERNIE
He said you’re an idiot. But he can fix it. I’m going
to peruse the magazines.
SOUND: ERNIE’S EXOSKELETON STOMPS METALICALLY AWAY.
SOUND: A NEW VEHICLE LANDS IN THE AREA AND SOMEONE HOPS OUT.
DRIVER
Yo, Zeb! You here?
ATTENDANT
(SOUNDS OF CONFIRMATION)
DRIVER
Zeb, listen! They’re here, man!
ATTENDANT
(SOUNDS OF QUESTIONING)
DRIVER
The Ever One, Zeb! The Ever One appeared over on
Fai-pen!
ATTENDANT
(SOUNDS OF EXCITEMENT)
DRIVER
Hurry up and finish and let’s get over there!
SPARKY
Uh, hi, who’s The Ever One?
ATTENDANT
(SOUNDS OF EXPLANATION)
SPARKY
Uh...right.
DRIVER
No only that, they have like a crazy amount of
knowledge about everything! If you get there in time
you can ask them anything! Come on, Zeb!
ATTENDANT
(SOUNDS OF AGREEMENT, SOUNDS OF BRIEF EXPLANATION)
SOUND: HURRIED LEAVING SOUNDS.
SPARKY
So the ship’s good, yeah?
ATTENDANT
(SOUNDS OF CONFIRMATION)
SOUND: THE VEHICLE DEPARTS QUICKLY, ERNIE’S SUIT COMES BACK.
SPARKY
Okay, cool.
ERNIE
Did he say the truck was good?
SPARKY
I think so. Probably. Ernie, what’s The Ever One?
ERNIE
Just an astral legend.
SPARKY
Whoa, that sounds cool.
ERNIE
Not really, it’s just some dumb story about a being
who’s constantly leaping from place to place across all
time and space.
SPARKY
How does that not sound cool?
ERNIE
Well I guess it is if you haven’t been stuck listening
to truckers jabber on about it for hours on end.
SPARKY
Is it true they have knowledge about everything and you
can ask them stuff?
ERNIE
That’s part of the story, yeah. Some people say that’s
why the Caver hive were able to consume the -
SPARKY
(INTERRUPTING)
Can we go ask them a question? Like, you know, "which
way’s Earth?"
ERNIE
Hey, that would be pretty good. Only problem is the
stories also say you never know where they’ll turn up
next.
SPARKY
They’re on Feivel!
ERNIE
Feivel? You mean Fai-pen. Wait, really? That’s the next
planet over.
SPARKY
Can we go?
ERNIE
(RELUCTANT)
I dunno, kid. Got a lot to do.
SPARKY
No you don’t. You were just going to spend the day
putting fluid on your eye.
ERNIE
Hey, I don’t complain about the way you keep jamming
things in that hole of yours.
SPARKY
Oh don’t say it like that. Come on, please! I’ll owe
you!
ERNIE
You already owe me.
SPARKY
I’ll never play that music in the booth again!
ERNIE
Hmm...okay, fine. Get in.
SCENE: 4
(THE STREETS OF FAI-PEN.)
SOUND: VARIOUS SPECIES CHATTER AND MAKE STRANGE NOISES AS
THEY ARE WAITING IN A CROWD
ERNIE
Well here we are. The longest queue of my life.
SPARKY
Have you been in many queues in your life?
ERNIE
No. Not really. I’ve done really well at avoiding them
truth be told.
SPARKY
Nah, see this doesn’t look that bad. Back on Earth I
once stayed up for 16 hours for an autograph.
ERNIE
What’s an autograph?
SPARKY
Well it’s like a... Huh. I don’t remember. I think
there was paper involved.
ERNIE
Well we should probably just get going. We’ll never get
to the front of the queue in time.
SPARKY
What do you mean?
ERNIE
The Ever One never stays in one place for very long.
They have a tendency of vanishing as suddenly as they
appear. It’s part of what makes it so pointless to care
about the whole thing.
SPARKY
But that’s ridiculous! I need to know how to get back
to Earth! How long do we have?
ERNIE
Uh... Hey, how long until The Ever One vanishes?
CROWD MEMBER #1
How long’s a piece of string? Nobody can ever truly
know when the whims of time and space will take The
Ever One from us.
CROWD MEMBER #2
I heard about thirty minutes.
ERNIE
Thank you! You were useless. There you go, thirty
minutes. Heck it would take thirty minutes just to run
from here to the front of the queue.
SPARKY
No, I’m not giving up. You can wait around here if you
like! But I...
ERNIE
Sounds like a plan. If you need me I’ll be over in that
diner with a nice dropper of food.
SOUND: ERNIE’S EXOSKELETON STOMPS METALICALLY AWAY.
SPARKY
(SIGHS)
Fine. Hey, would you mind if I went before you?
CROWD MEMBER #1
Of course, friend! For as long as a piece of string isSPARKY
Cool, thanks! Hey, would you mind if ICROWD MEMBER #2
Not on your life.
SPARKY
(TO SELF)
Damn it...there’s got to be another way.
SCENE: 5
(AT THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE.)
SOUND: A CROWD IS CHATTERING.
SPARKY
Geronimo!
SOUND: THE SOUND OF A ZIP LINE, A HEAVY IMPACT AND GASPS.
SPARKY
(IN PAIN)
At least I stuck the landing.
FRONT LINER
No you didn’t.
SPARKY
Alright. Is this the front of the line?
FRONT LINER
Sure is.
SPARKY
Okay, brilliant! Where’s The Ever One?
FRONT LINER
Oh they’ve been gone for like thirty minutes.
SPARKY
What!? Where did they go?
FRONT LINER
I don’t know. Just sorta...poof! Then they were gone.
SPARKY
But if The Ever One is gone why are you still here?
FRONT LINER
Honestly? There’s like a hundred people lined up behind
me and I’ve never felt so powerful.
SPARKY
It’s actually closer to a thousand.
FRONT LINER
So powerful! Hey, what do you think I should do?
SPARKY
I don’t care. I’m going to go nurse my twisted ankle.
FRONT LINER
Oh that definitely looks broken.
SPARKY
No, definitely just twisted. Ow! Look, it twisted back!
SCENE: 6
(IN THE DINER.)
SOUND: GENERAL DINER SOUNDS. A WHIRRING APPROACHES.
WAITER-BOT
Your eye drops, sir.
ERNIE
Ah cheers pal!
SOUND: A BOTTLE IS PLACED ON THE TABLE. THE DOOR OPENS AND
LIMPING STEPS APPROACH.
ERNIE
Hey hey! The myth chaser returns! How’d it go?
SPARKY
They were already gone.
ERNIE
(MOCKINGLY)
Or were they ever there to begin with?
SPARKY
There was also some guy who seemed desperate for
attention.
SOUND: THE DOOR OPENS.
ERNIE
Well you can have all the attention you like when I’m
done with my drops.
SPARKY
No, I wasn’t talking about me.
ERNIE
Sure, guy. Listen, you don’t need some magical weirdo
to tell you how to get back to your home planet. We
just need to keep asking around and wait for more of
your memories to come back. You said it was a spiral
galaxy, yeah?
SPARKY
I’ve tried asking all over. And I don’t want to just
wait around for my memories to come back.
STRANGER
Oh, hey! I thought it was you! Sparky, right?
SPARKY
Excuse me?
ERNIE
You this guy?
STRANGER
Yeah, kind of. This gets a little weird sometimes.
SOUND: A BAG RUSTLING
STRANGER
Hey I’m finally trying that mossball sandwich you told
me about! I’m so excited!
SPARKY
Mossball sandwich?
STRANGER
Yeah! Oh wait, I always forget this part. I’m The Ever
One.
ERNIE
What!? The Ever One!?
SPARKY
But you, they said, you’ve been gone for like thirty
minutes.
STRANGER
Shh, yeah. Just keep it hush. I used a little diversion
trick I learned from the Shadowfolk of Umbrosia to
sneak away. I sometimes use it when I want to get some
peace or a bite to eat before I next bounce. It seems a
little dishonest but if I didn’t do that I’d never get
a moment to myself.
ERNIE
I could use a trick like that myself with ol’ four
limbs over here.
SPARKY
Wait, you knew me? Does that mean we’ve met before?
STRANGER
Oh gosh, yeah, I almost forgot. What was it you asked
me?
SPARKY
About Earth?
STRANGER
No, that wasn’t it.
SPARKY
No, it must have been. I need to know how to get back
to Earth, to my home.
STRANGER
Oh you’re just full of questions. No, last time you
didn’t mention Earth I don’t think. Or maybe you did, I
do meet a lot of people. Oh, that’s it! It was
Lakneora!
SPARKY
(CONFUSED)
Lakneora?
SOUND: WHOOSHING OF MEMORIES
ALIEN
(AS BEFORE)
I have him. For Lakneora. Your luck’s run out sunshine!
SOUND: THE THUNDROUS STRIKE FROM BEFORE AND ANOTHER WHOOSH
SPARKY
(PANICKED)
That’s why that alien said! He said it right before
he...I...Lakneora. What is it?
STRANGER
It’s a religious figure in Zayeti culture.
SPARKY
I have no idea what any of that means.
ERNIE
The Zayeti are an old civilisation from the Galak
region.
SPARKY
You know about them?
ERNIE
A little bit.
SPARKY
Oh that’s brilliant!
STRANGER
What was that other thing you wanted to know about
again?
SPARKY
Huh? Oh yes! Do you know anything about Earth?
STRANGER
Oh yeah, Earth. I think I heard something about that.
SOUND: WHOOSH AND A POP
SOUND: A MOMENT OF SILENCE
SPARKY
Uh...where’d they go?
ERNIE
I guess it was their time to leave.
SPARKY
Oh.
ERNIE
Yep. I’m sorry bud, I know you had your hopes up about
this junk. Listen, you can forget about the whole no
more music thing.
MUSIC: THE MUSIC FROM THE BOOTH BUILDING
SPARKY
(EXCITED)
Hey Ernie.
SPARKY
Yeah?
SPARKY
What else did you know about the Zayeti?
The End.